It seems I am an embarrassing person to be around in public places. Recently, I had it explained to me that it is perfectly okay for me to stare at a miniature lava lamp for 45 minutes to an hour in rapt fascination as long as I’m in the privacy of my own home. Apparently though, it is not okay for me to turn an almost empty ketchup bottle on end and stare intently at it until all the ketchup has proven the law of gravity to my satisfaction if at the same time I happen to be dining in public. Actually, I’m not even sure if this was deemed acceptable behavior in any situation. That was never really clarified.

My apologies to all who witnessed my mistake, and an even bigger apology to those who were embarrassed on my behalf. Next time, I’ll just make french fry sculptures.